Thursday, December 11, 2008

3 Degrees from 3rd World

This morning, my "Facebook Status" read...
"Timothy Is going to meet a really cool guy for breakfast at a place where the average age of the patrons tops the national debt."

Well, That's just the beginning of the story!
I visit my local "Al-a-Carte" cafeteria about once a month to once every couple of months, and ONLY when I am meeting a good friend who happens to like the food selection (and prices). Well this morning, there I was, My friend (which I did not know at this moment) was at home sick with a stomach bug.... I was sitting outside waiting and watching...

You see, I really do like just watching people. Not only does it give me lots to blog about, but gives me a deeper insight into the human condition, if you will.

So I decide I am getting hungry and figured something came up... so I head on in.
What do my wandering hungry eyes feast upon first in line........


Not just Prunes, as in plums that forgot to wear their sunscreen and keep cool in the pool, but STEWED PRUNES!!!!!!!

Why oh why would ANYONE want to stew something that truly should have been thrown away 10 years ago when the expiration date hit???

Ok, so getting through the line.... asked the short order cook.... "Do you have any breakfast specials"?

Her answer.... in completion... "Yeah... a couple"!
.... that's it.... no more.... so like a confused non octogenarian I asked....
"and they are??"
Following this question I received an answer.... not too sure what the exact words were but I got the gist.... it was....
"You should know... but since you don't it's basically the same breakfast special that we have had since our grand opening in 1612!"

Strike 2!!!

Make my way through the line, got my receipt, made it to the table.... sat down and began to eat. By this time I was doing pretty good. Having had a stomach bug a couple of day's ago, this is the first real meal that I have had in a while and believe it or not was actually looking forward to it!

All of a sudden... it hit me!
The wall, the offensive wall, like falling off from a roof into a pile of manure.... took my breath away.... but not like that song from top gun, but the opposite way.... I about lost by food (for the second time this week).
It was..... Dun Dun Daaaaahhhhhh!!!!! (dramatic music)

Horrific, painful, and quite unnerving.... a smell that unfortunately I had smelled before....
All of a sudden here I am in a restaurant having flashbacks of being stuck on a very very small elevator in Kiev, Ukraine with a couple of "Locals" one of whom hadn't ever shaved.... and believe me... she should have.....
Hit by the smell of B.O. covered with some funky, musky french perfume that you get for free on your hotel bed (like we get candy).

Then I realized
The epiphany of all epiphanies....

Deodorant, good food, and manners....
without it...
we are 3 degree's from being a 3rd world civilization

how weird is that!

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