Monday afternoon, there was a bit of drama around the ole vacation stead... My father in law desperately wanted to open a bottle of wine, but as catastrophes go, there was no corkscrew available in the condo... What to do, What to do???
We knew there was a possibility of a friend coming to visit, so I frantically sent an email telling them to bring a corkscrew.... but we continued to look. Later we found out that the friend wasn't coming till Tuesday night.... that's when things got interesting... and a bit desperate. We decided to leave the condo in search of the elusive corkscrew.
We began our search outside of the domicile, at the first store we could find, it was the something something something pier, bait shop and restaurant. I know it sounds like the kind of place you would be able to find anything you could ever dream of.... but not.
We (my father in law and I ) were looking through the shelves to no avail when we decided to ask for assistance. When we asked for a corkscrew we received (to my amazement) a response we weren't prepared for. One of the "Locals" (and this I know b/c he was sitting in the store, with his feet propped up on the counter, drinking a beer and watching that most holy of redneck sports... nascar) spouted off to our query.... "Just take a screw and screw it into the cork and yank it out with a hammer".
NOT exactly what we had in mind, ignoring his suggestion we pressed on. The owner (I presume) in his stained overalls and well worn ball-cap informed us they should have a whole bunch... he remembered seeing at least 3. I realized at this point that a corkscrew is probably not purchased often in this particular establishment if 3 is definitive as "a whole bunch" .... but a hammer and screw, maybe. As we continued looking another of these "Locals" pops off the same advice as the first.... screw, and yank it out with a hammer.....
At this point I start thinking.... what type of state would you need to be to require that type of ingenuity to open a wine bottle?? As we kept searching, the wisdom that was being presented before us once again, came to full conversational status when, what appeared to be the owner's wife, stated "All you need to do is take a screw and screw it into the cork and yank it out with a hammer....... I've done that before".
And THERE IT WAS.... wisdom had made itself clear! This was not just a half-brained crazy idea come up with by a race fan in a half-drunken stupor in need of a top-off..... this was experience talking..... I've done that before, she said. True Experience.... who am I to argue with that?
So we politely went to food lion and found a corkscrew for $4.99. But I guarantee I will NEVER forget the words of Wisdom formed from experience
I've done that before!
Showing posts with label Knowledge. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Knowledge. Show all posts
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
Sunday, August 10, 2008
The bikers guide to the secret handshake.
Every society, weather it be secret or not, has a certain expected ritual in which individuals identify themselves with that particular society. In the office world, it has a form of "Casual Fridays", In the Party School Fraternity, it looks more like a upside-down beer chugging contest. Whatever society you are a part of, there are rituals, regardless if you know it or not!
Bikers beware, what I am about to share has been passed down from generation to generation, unknowingly through time. It is a truth that will awaken the realization to others that bikers, although they work hard to communicate their solidarity, are actually one of "Them"... A part of the "In" crowd (please don't egg my house or throw rotten fish at my windows, you know that its true).
Just like the frat boys of old, or the Illuminati... The secrets in the handshake (or beer guzzle if you prefer).
It begins at about 100 meters out, the recognition of another biker heading your way. Any further than 100 meters makes it more difficult to distinguish if it is a "True" motorcycle, or a set of motorized wheels that an 8 year old would get for Christmas, or a last attempt mode of transportation for someone who can't keep a license if their liver depends on it (and in most cases it does).
At this point the handshake truly begins....
step 1. Recognition - I see them, do they see me?
step 2. Loyalty? - What kind of bike are they riding? Harley, Harley Wannabe, Crotch Rocket? and will they respond if I initiate?
step 3. Execute - The Most Vital of Steps!
step 4. The Return
step 5. The George Lucas!
Steps 1&2 are fairly self explanatory, yet critical to the "Brotherhood". It's not a pretty site when you let slip a brotherhood tradition, to someone who is driving a metal frame powered by a lawnmower!
Step 3 - The Most important, is the execution of the "Secret Handshake".
The execution begins from the neck. As you are riding (regardless of what type of bike you may be on) at the point of execution the bottom of your chin should be parallel to the gas tank on which you sit. The neck should be limber, but still firm in that you don't want a sudden gust of wind to ruin all that you are preparing for.
At this point, the chin should be lifted heavenward no more than 15-20 degrees at which point the chin should stop moving and begin its return to its resting place parallel to the tank. This movement should take precisely 1.5 seconds to complete from start to finish. Any faster, and you risk looking like you are having a spasm, any slower and the people driving next to you will begin looking for the piece of sky that is falling. This move should not exceed more than 15-20 degrees, any more than this and you risk whiplash, and a good sound laughing from your passing brother
This is the tricky part.... As soon as the chin has begun to move, the left arm should also move... out away from the body turning only at the shoulder, elbow locked in the same position as you were driving. The arm should move out so the left hand is facing the opposite street ready to greet the passing driver. Now not everyone sees the importance of the hand shape as I do. Let me explain.
Some bikers prefer to extend the first 2 fingers out as the "Peace" sign... This is perfectly acceptable, however discouraged by me because of its insinuation that you are a part of another crowd... the hippies.
Others see it as just sticking your hand out fully extended.... here's the problem with that;
1. it looks like you are trying to fly-- please, for the love of all that is holy... don't flap
2. If your arm is raised too high, you can be mistaken for a white supremacist, or one of the Luftwaffe.
My preferred method is sort of a mixed approach - first two fingers go lazily out the other fingers stay in roughly the same shape as while riding. This speaks volumes... it says, Hey man, what's happnin.... your cool, I'm cool --- but not too cool, ya dig??
Now at this point you have completed the execution!
Step 4. The return. If you have judged carefully, and the other driver has seen you then as soon as your arm has been extended you should see the return "Handshake" from the other driver.
If there is no return, don't worry... You may not have completely botched the execution.... It may be that the other driver has misjudged and assumed you wouldn't "Shake" because of bike breed type, or other factor. However it may still be your fault so try every time you see another biker (of course there could be other environmental factors, wind, water, sun, etc.)
Step 5. The George Lucas, Affectionately called this, by me, based on his use of sunsets as a metaphor for change... At this stage of the "handshake" there is nothing left to do but to ride off into the sunset, hoping for another opportunity to prove your mettel in the brotherhood that is the biker!
Bikers beware, what I am about to share has been passed down from generation to generation, unknowingly through time. It is a truth that will awaken the realization to others that bikers, although they work hard to communicate their solidarity, are actually one of "Them"... A part of the "In" crowd (please don't egg my house or throw rotten fish at my windows, you know that its true).
Just like the frat boys of old, or the Illuminati... The secrets in the handshake (or beer guzzle if you prefer).
It begins at about 100 meters out, the recognition of another biker heading your way. Any further than 100 meters makes it more difficult to distinguish if it is a "True" motorcycle, or a set of motorized wheels that an 8 year old would get for Christmas, or a last attempt mode of transportation for someone who can't keep a license if their liver depends on it (and in most cases it does).
At this point the handshake truly begins....
step 1. Recognition - I see them, do they see me?
step 2. Loyalty? - What kind of bike are they riding? Harley, Harley Wannabe, Crotch Rocket? and will they respond if I initiate?
step 3. Execute - The Most Vital of Steps!
step 4. The Return
step 5. The George Lucas!
Steps 1&2 are fairly self explanatory, yet critical to the "Brotherhood". It's not a pretty site when you let slip a brotherhood tradition, to someone who is driving a metal frame powered by a lawnmower!
Step 3 - The Most important, is the execution of the "Secret Handshake".
The execution begins from the neck. As you are riding (regardless of what type of bike you may be on) at the point of execution the bottom of your chin should be parallel to the gas tank on which you sit. The neck should be limber, but still firm in that you don't want a sudden gust of wind to ruin all that you are preparing for.
At this point, the chin should be lifted heavenward no more than 15-20 degrees at which point the chin should stop moving and begin its return to its resting place parallel to the tank. This movement should take precisely 1.5 seconds to complete from start to finish. Any faster, and you risk looking like you are having a spasm, any slower and the people driving next to you will begin looking for the piece of sky that is falling. This move should not exceed more than 15-20 degrees, any more than this and you risk whiplash, and a good sound laughing from your passing brother
This is the tricky part.... As soon as the chin has begun to move, the left arm should also move... out away from the body turning only at the shoulder, elbow locked in the same position as you were driving. The arm should move out so the left hand is facing the opposite street ready to greet the passing driver. Now not everyone sees the importance of the hand shape as I do. Let me explain.
Some bikers prefer to extend the first 2 fingers out as the "Peace" sign... This is perfectly acceptable, however discouraged by me because of its insinuation that you are a part of another crowd... the hippies.
Others see it as just sticking your hand out fully extended.... here's the problem with that;
1. it looks like you are trying to fly-- please, for the love of all that is holy... don't flap
2. If your arm is raised too high, you can be mistaken for a white supremacist, or one of the Luftwaffe.
My preferred method is sort of a mixed approach - first two fingers go lazily out the other fingers stay in roughly the same shape as while riding. This speaks volumes... it says, Hey man, what's happnin.... your cool, I'm cool --- but not too cool, ya dig??
Now at this point you have completed the execution!
Step 4. The return. If you have judged carefully, and the other driver has seen you then as soon as your arm has been extended you should see the return "Handshake" from the other driver.
If there is no return, don't worry... You may not have completely botched the execution.... It may be that the other driver has misjudged and assumed you wouldn't "Shake" because of bike breed type, or other factor. However it may still be your fault so try every time you see another biker (of course there could be other environmental factors, wind, water, sun, etc.)
Step 5. The George Lucas, Affectionately called this, by me, based on his use of sunsets as a metaphor for change... At this stage of the "handshake" there is nothing left to do but to ride off into the sunset, hoping for another opportunity to prove your mettel in the brotherhood that is the biker!
Thursday, July 31, 2008
Knowing Fear
I have never been much of a "Dreamer" when it comes to sleep. Growing up I can remember a handful of times where I even remember dreaming, and most of them had some sort of personal meaning. I found out a couple of years ago, this was due to having a form of sleep apnea caused by a small trachea and a condition called "momentary leg movements". All that means is that my body was waking me up once every 5min at night when I was trying to sleep.
Anyway... I have since rectified these issues and now have a breathing machine that helps me sleep... But, I still don't dream often. Now probably dream (or at least remember dreaming) 1-2x a week not much else. Last night, before bed, I was working on re-constructing a raid array so I could retrieve some files. I have a tendency at night, when I do dream, to work on puzzles of a sort. Usually my dreams involve working through logic puzzles, coding, and any "Technical" issues I may encounter during the week. I remember beginning to dream last night, in my dream I was re-constructing a raid array so I could retrieve some files (sound familiar), when all I remember is a wash of fear over me and bolting straight out of bed to the sound of our fire alarm.
10seconds doesn't seem like a very long time, unless you are in the middle of a crisis. I remember in that short, very short amount of time from becoming alert to the time I stood up a whole slew of emotions and thoughts. First, was fear. Not the kind of fear where you can see what is happening but can't do anything about it-- like the dreams where you stand in front of a class in your underwear but can't do anything about it. This was a different kind of fear... one I don't every want to experience again.
The fear of the unknown!
This fear I experienced was of the unknown.
The second Thing I realized was, I couldn't talk. I tried to call out to my wife, but I couldn't make words form... I could barely make any noise. Talk about freaky! Everything had happened so fast, my body hadn't had time to respond yet... but my brain was going full blast!
Mind you at this point my adrenaline had kicked into overdrive... ready to act, and to respond... but my brain didn't know what to respond to and my body was still taking a ciesta.
FINALLY after about 10-15 seconds, I was able to mouth the words to my wife... IT's OK, It's OK! Of all the things to say, why that??? How about What in the world is going on??
Thinking back on it, I realize that my brain had already determined that we were in no immediate danger. How Strange! I got out of bed and headed through the house to check on everything, by the time I stepped out into the living room, I felt like I was going to throw up! I felt like I had run for 40 miles (or in my case 1mile straight). I walked through the house and made sure everything was ok, and got the ladder out to "FIX" the Malfunctioning Alarm. I had to lay back down just to catch my breath and keep from puking it was so nerve-wracking. Once that was done and Eliza had gone back to bed I went into my office to sit and think a bit. I started thinking through what had just transpired, and it hit me like a ton of bricks.... I HAVE GOD ON MY SIDE!!! You see, I know this, and have for years... but these situations bring you closer to knowing who you trust than anything else! I spent some time praying and "re-centering" my self before I went back to bed.
I have God... what does that mean to me?? It means that in every unknown situation and circumstance, there is someone on my side that can see around the corner. Ipso-facto Nothing is unknown... just not experienced!
Does this mean I shouldn't be afraid.... well yes, I shouldn't.... however God also created me with certain innate reactions, like flinching when I touch a hot stove. Fear, Panic, and Terror, are most times reactions of the body to given stimulus, or an expectation of stimulus. Take MONK for example... even His fears, as irrational as they may seem to you and me, are caused by stimulus, or an expectation of stimulus.... germs, paper cuts, bad milk etc. (ok so I still can't figure out the crack thing unless it goes with the "Break your mothers back" thing).
Point is this...
Fear is natural, How you respond to fear.... give in and allow it to control you, or walk with wisdom and trust in God... is what matters most.
C.S.Lewis said, in "The Inner Ring"
Until you conquer the fear of being an outsider, an outsider you will remain.
If you give into the fear, it will be all you are left with in the end... fear
But if you conquer fear, through Christ, you will be victorious
Anyway... I have since rectified these issues and now have a breathing machine that helps me sleep... But, I still don't dream often. Now probably dream (or at least remember dreaming) 1-2x a week not much else. Last night, before bed, I was working on re-constructing a raid array so I could retrieve some files. I have a tendency at night, when I do dream, to work on puzzles of a sort. Usually my dreams involve working through logic puzzles, coding, and any "Technical" issues I may encounter during the week. I remember beginning to dream last night, in my dream I was re-constructing a raid array so I could retrieve some files (sound familiar), when all I remember is a wash of fear over me and bolting straight out of bed to the sound of our fire alarm.
10seconds doesn't seem like a very long time, unless you are in the middle of a crisis. I remember in that short, very short amount of time from becoming alert to the time I stood up a whole slew of emotions and thoughts. First, was fear. Not the kind of fear where you can see what is happening but can't do anything about it-- like the dreams where you stand in front of a class in your underwear but can't do anything about it. This was a different kind of fear... one I don't every want to experience again.
The fear of the unknown!
This fear I experienced was of the unknown.
- I had NO Clue as to why I bolted straight out of bed
- I had No idea what the sound was that I was hearing so quickly
- I had no idea what to do or how to act in this situation
The second Thing I realized was, I couldn't talk. I tried to call out to my wife, but I couldn't make words form... I could barely make any noise. Talk about freaky! Everything had happened so fast, my body hadn't had time to respond yet... but my brain was going full blast!
Mind you at this point my adrenaline had kicked into overdrive... ready to act, and to respond... but my brain didn't know what to respond to and my body was still taking a ciesta.
FINALLY after about 10-15 seconds, I was able to mouth the words to my wife... IT's OK, It's OK! Of all the things to say, why that??? How about What in the world is going on??
Thinking back on it, I realize that my brain had already determined that we were in no immediate danger. How Strange! I got out of bed and headed through the house to check on everything, by the time I stepped out into the living room, I felt like I was going to throw up! I felt like I had run for 40 miles (or in my case 1mile straight). I walked through the house and made sure everything was ok, and got the ladder out to "FIX" the Malfunctioning Alarm. I had to lay back down just to catch my breath and keep from puking it was so nerve-wracking. Once that was done and Eliza had gone back to bed I went into my office to sit and think a bit. I started thinking through what had just transpired, and it hit me like a ton of bricks.... I HAVE GOD ON MY SIDE!!! You see, I know this, and have for years... but these situations bring you closer to knowing who you trust than anything else! I spent some time praying and "re-centering" my self before I went back to bed.
I have God... what does that mean to me?? It means that in every unknown situation and circumstance, there is someone on my side that can see around the corner. Ipso-facto Nothing is unknown... just not experienced!
Does this mean I shouldn't be afraid.... well yes, I shouldn't.... however God also created me with certain innate reactions, like flinching when I touch a hot stove. Fear, Panic, and Terror, are most times reactions of the body to given stimulus, or an expectation of stimulus. Take MONK for example... even His fears, as irrational as they may seem to you and me, are caused by stimulus, or an expectation of stimulus.... germs, paper cuts, bad milk etc. (ok so I still can't figure out the crack thing unless it goes with the "Break your mothers back" thing).
Point is this...
Fear is natural, How you respond to fear.... give in and allow it to control you, or walk with wisdom and trust in God... is what matters most.
C.S.Lewis said, in "The Inner Ring"
Until you conquer the fear of being an outsider, an outsider you will remain.
If you give into the fear, it will be all you are left with in the end... fear
But if you conquer fear, through Christ, you will be victorious
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