What Every (small group) Leader Should Know - pt. 2

Instant Recap:
1. Ministers/Leaders MUST be & learn to be servants first!
2. Leaders MUST learn to put others FIRST!

Ok, Now you are caught up... no excuses!

The focus of this particular post will be about more of the mechanics of doing ministry, than the spiritual focus of the last post.

3. Crisis Management!

First off, and I can't stress this enough.... for a good leader, learning crisis management is a GOLDMINE for leading... NO Matter WHAT, or WHO you are leading!!!

I heard Miles Monroe say one time that when God put Adam and Eve in the garden of Eden, he told them to develop people (be fruitful) and Manage (tend) the "Things" of the garden. This is a very key point in learning to be a good and GREAT leader!

YOU MUST understand that in any leadership situation, you MUST... I REPEAT MUST separate people from their stuff!!! People, in general are all in need of the same thing, healthy relationship with God as well as each other. This is wonderful news if you can see that and that alone... The problem seems to be that most leaders will spend 90% of their time dealing with people's stuff, and not in relationship with the people... To use a illustration I used in the last post... Zacchaeus

You see, Zacchaeus was, in his time, what was called the "Chief" tax collector..... Think about that for a second... EVEN the bible refers to Him by what he manages... NOT who he is!

Along comes Jesus...

Jesus saw him in the tree and immediately saw through his stuff to who he was and what HE needed... relationship! He did not see him as his contemporaries did.... a cheat, a swindler, a thief..... in today's world think "Chief Politician".

What does this have to do with Crisis Management?? EVERYTHING!!!!!

IF You can successfully separate people from their stuff, you will alleviate and successfully manage crisis Situations....

You see the KEY to crisis management is to manage the situation not the people... IF you can break down what is happening from what the people really need you can be very successful as a leader of anything.

How does this pertain to small groups you ask??
Well.... here's a situation of something that WILL happen to you as a leader if you give it enough time.....

Let's talk about "Little Johnny", you know the little brat that grew up through all of the cautionary life tales of how to NOT act and what to NOT do. Well.... BAD News, Little johnny, grew up and is now big Johnny, and he got invited to your small group!!!

Big Johnny isn't exactly mean, but he is what we will refer to as "Spiritually Combative"... He is now the guy that is ALWAYS trying to prove how much more he knows than you and how contradictory everything you say about God is.... THIS is a CRISIS, that needs some serious Management!!!!!!!

So what do we do??

First you have to look at the real root of what is going on. You see, Johnny always got in trouble, and his whole life was spent feeling like the world was against HIM because of his actions. YES they did come against HIM but only because they didn't understand how to separate the actions. So now that he is all grown up, he still carries with him this self image of having to prove himself to everyone around him!

How do you deal with that???
First and foremost this is dealt with by having strong and healthy boundaries for any meeting/interaction you have as a leader... They can be as simple as "We are going to talk tonight about....bla, bla..... Please hold any comments till I open the floor for discussions".
Another option (and one I have found very helpful for dealing with a bunch of kids with ADD)
-- Explain the "ground rules" that any comments that are made need to NOT be directed as a response to what someone else has said... Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, and it should be a safe environment to share opinions openly.

What setting these ground rules, does is give you the power to stop any arguments, or issues that can arise from people like Johnny... by simply going back to the ground rules, and not putting down the person.... "Please keep in mind johnny, that we are all entitled to our opinions and any comments should not be directed toward someone else because of their opinions".
IF Johnny continues to disrupt, it is a simple matter of taking a break and asking johnny to go to another room (out of earshot of the group) ans simply stating that IF Johnny continues to go against the rules, you will have to ask him to leave. End of discussion!!

In most situations as a leader, rarely will you find your self dealing with a "Physical" crisis, the majority will be these "Emotional" issues and situations.

It is a good thing for leaders to practice dealing with different scenario's... I will give you a few...

1. Johnny, decides he is going to use the time in the meeting to talk about 'Amway' and how it has changed HIS life

2. Someone in the group begins to talk about God and how "SHE" changed her life by leading her to a commune outside of town where she can TRULY be free

3. IN the discussion, you come to a topic of abortion... one of the people in the room has had an abortion, and is in a very emotional state, during the time, she breaks down and starts sobbing uncontrollably.

4. You find out at one meeting that someone is a homosexual.

In each of these examples, IF you can see beyond the issues to the person, you will find the same thing... someone who is in need of relationship with others... And in some cases, it is OK to refer someone to a professional counselor if they need more help than you as a leader can provide. IT IS NOT YOUR JOB TO FIX ANYONE!!!! Only to Love them and walk with them the best you can!

*** Very Important ***
Remember, IF there is interaction with someone that seems to require/consume the entire focus of the group, take it elsewhere (And always gender specific... guys with guys, girls with girls)
There is always more than 1 person in a group... otherwise it wouldn't be a group (duh) and it is important as a leader to remember that there are quite a few other people with needs, and if one person monopolizes the meeting, can make the others feel less important (Very BAD!!!)


*** Practical Notes From The Dark Side ***

In meetings dealing with people you may occasionally come across a doozie that requires a bit of finesse to deal with.

like...

1. Child abuse.
YOU MUST REPORT THIS TO THE POLICE!!! but be careful, and try to keep as few others in the group from knowing/talking about it as it can cause more harm in the long run than it does good. Try to set up a meeting with a superior or another "Equal" leader to help you walk through this as the more council you can get the better.

2. Spousal Abuse.
This is a bit different, you need to strongly encourage that the person leave the situation and seek help... DO NOT Confront the spouse, as this ALWAYS leads down a bad road and you may not have another chance to help them out of their situation if you do.

3. Attempted Suicide.
IF They are threatening to do harm to themselves or other you MUST REPORT THIS to the authorities!!! If they have already attempted it... remember to deal with them not their situation, they need love not judgement!! They also need someone to walk with them. NO ONE ever attempts suicide in public, or with friends... they do it when, and usually because they are alone... they NEED relationship, and healthy LOVE!!!

4. Death/Divorce... Both can be Equally as painful
This is delicate in that everyone grieves differently, but everyone that grieves, MUST be allowed to grieve in their own way (as long as it isn't causing harm to themselves or others)
Let them grieve, be there if they need you and pray for them from a distance if they don't... that's about all you can do.



I think that about covers most of what I can think of for this post, I will post lots more soon [;o)

What Every (small group) Leader Should Know - pt. 1

A question I have been pondering in my mind recently (since a recent meeting with my pastor) is ...
WHAT should Small Group leader's know??

Kind of a loaded question, but I hope in my ramblings about life and ministry experience, I can give a bit of an answer that is useful.

IF I have learned one thing in life and ministry it is this...
1. Ministers/Leaders MUST be & learn to be servants first!

You see in the new testament church, there came a point when certain widows were being overlooked. This wasn't an intentional thing, but the "12" were so busy serving and trying to keep everyone going in the right direction (and there were so many new ones daily) that they couldn't do it all anymore, at that point there arose a need for others to be "Appointed" to the role of serving! - These men weren't the holiest looking, and they didn't always say the right thing - BUT they were "known to be full of the Spirit and wisdom" (acts 6:3)
This is one of these times in the theological world known as the "Law of First Reference" and VERY IMPORTANT in church leadership. This is the first place in the New Testament Church where we clearly see the appointing of church leaders other than the "Primary Leader(s)" and what are they?? Servants!! Appointed Servants!

***caution - personal commentary content here ***
I think this particular point has been missing in the church at large for
a long time. You see the world has a view of the church as anything but
a serving organization... Leaders fall into the place of being "Spiritual Money
Launderers" because they have been put into leadership based on how they look,
what they say, or what Seminary they attended, and NOT because they were FIRST
appointed as servants b/c they were "Full of the spirit and Wisdom"!

IF small group leaders (or any leader for that matter) can learn THIS first... Operating as a servant regardless if title, position, or anyone even knowing their name--- they will be on the road to becoming GREAT in the kingdom!

That's just the beginning --- Serving never stops!

2. Leaders MUST learn to put others FIRST!

This one can be affected tremendously by the personality of the individual, but I will try to talk through some of that as well.

What does it mean to put other's first? Well, let's start with Zacchaeus ....
When learning to be & become a better leader, it is important that we take our cues from the best leaders of the bible, starting with the "Mac" of all leaders -- Jesus. With this particular story we see Jesus walking down the street amongst a large crowd, when things take a bit of a turn...
The bible doesn't say much about zacchaeus other than he was THE chief tax collector and was wealthy... it also goes on to say (Luke 19:1-3) He wanted to see who Jesus was, but being a short man he could not, because of the crowd. --
Here is a very interesting point... He wanted to see "Who Jesus Was" -- Nothing more. He wasn't looking for a miracle, or healing... He wasn't looking for the key to life... the universe... and everything (42) ... He wasn't looking for the spiritual existentialism that most would die for... He simply wanted to see who Jesus was!
Next up is where we very clearly see "Who Jesus Is" in this light. What does Jesus do?? Sees him, and says... "Zacchaeus, come down immediately. I must stay at your house today."
You see as an effective leader we MUST learn to put others needs above our own, or above our expectation of their needs... I will say this at the risk of upsetting a lot of more traditional church "leaders" but sometimes what the people really need is NOT another event, NOT a bible study, NOT a great band on Sunday... what they need is a REAL, PERSONAL, and DEFINABLE connection and experience with the LIVING God!!! Can You SEE THAT!!! That is HUGE as a leader! People really need GOD more than they need YOU... but we are here to be used by God to be that connection sometimes, and more importantly to point people to God, then get out of the way!

I promise you ... 5 min experiencing the true and LIVING God can change your life more, and leave you happier than 1000 sermons I can give and weeks/months/years of counseling I could provide.

***caution - personal commentary content here ***
I have seen time and time again, leaders miss this by thinking THEY are what is going to change the people. Take for instance... worship service, someone engaged in worship, you can see that God is working on/in them... so what do I do ... Well I need to Help God Out" so I put my hands on them and begin to pray......... WOAH!!!!! Back That Up!!!!! Since WHEN does God need us to "Help Him Out" when he is clearly working without us in that situation??? .... Here's what happens... As soon as I/YOU/WE decide to put our hands on someone who 1 has not asked, or 2 is in a place where God is working and they are oblivious to their surroundings... we immediately call attention to ourselves, and take their focus off from God and put on US... I am NOT that big to be a proxy for God!!! Sorry, Won't do it!!! I am here to point people TO God, then get out of the way, not stand there and translate.

Which brings us to a close for today (gotta get some work done) But I will try to write more soon!!!

[;o)

I Tried, I Really Did!

So This weekend has been a fun experience for me... 

I got a new laptop... HP TouchSmart Tx2z Tablet

Straight out of the box, started it up, went through the 20 min setup and registration, inserted a special disk and wiped out the entire drive

Why??? 

I wanted to try to get a Hackintosh going... A PC running OS x

Now before I get into the nity gritty details ... let me say to all of the mac snobs out there... I go through hardware fast... @ 2 machines every 2-3 years... MOSTLY because I am doing so much with them I have to upgrade to get the power I need to continually do what I need to do -- so right out of the gate I will NOT spend 2k for a laptop just because it is easy and pretty [;o)

-- So Here I am on my new HP Mac typing this post right now... 

Why Mac??? 

Well B/C it is a unix environment OS that ALSO will run Adobe Software(which I use both the unix environment and adobe stuff)

Best of both worlds and CHEAPER than any Mac off the shelf (a lot cheaper) - PLUS its a tablet

Here's what I have found out... 

1. Mac is slick!

    Its pretty, smooth, and will do what I need it to do with little effort

2. Mac is Boring 

     Once you get past the pretties and the smoothness of it all... there's not much going on... I mean yeah, it works but you can't tweak the mess out of, manipulating every little file. It is a nice system but I am already bored with it... IF I stay with mac, all I will do is work, surf, and a few measley games... which brings me to my next point

3. NOT for Games!!! 

   Yeah, it has some games you can get, but isn't built for it... nuff said

4. Drivers & Compatibility - 

    And HERE is the true kicker of the matter why as I am sitting here typing this on Mac OSx, I am also downloading Linux and  Windows 7 - Mac doesn't support the hardware correctly... 

MOST everything works out of the box... BUT the touchscreen ... It works but once you get out to the edge of the screen the calibration is WAY off

I tried a linux disk and even they got that right without AND modifications

So What Gives??? 

I know it is an issue of apple only wanting OSx to be on apple machines... What a load!!! I would Gladly purchase OSx Over Windows any day... IF it would work right and completely on my machine!

So Now I am torn... Back to my original issue

Do I install Windows, and have a Virtual System for development/unix environ?? 

Or do I install Linux and have a virtual system for Adobe to play in??? 

Such hard decisions... I guess I could always re-install Mac once they get the right drivers for my hardware... if they ever do! 

    

Time to Blog!!

Like everything in life, it all boil's down to how much time you devote to any one thing

whether it be work, school, music, god, face book, or (heaven forbid) even blogging!

In my world lately I haven't had time for much except for God, family, and lots and lots of work... but I did decide to take a moment out of my busy day and post a blog entry.

Things are well, I am excited that this week I will be rolling out a demo church management system to begin some of the final tweaking and testing before I make it a live project! I am super excited about this and am really looking forward to seeing it used on a day to day basis.

My wife and I got bikes (as in 2 wheels, and pedals... but no lawn mower engine) We have been ridding a couple of times a week and I have really been enjoying the time we get to spend together.
It seems like no matter how busy I get, I can always be a little bit busier and I have to take the time out and enjoy my wife and a bit of nature.

Well now that's out of my system... back to the grind...

Cracking open a new book - OOP DeMystified (a self teaching guide) - now if I could only get a teacher that doesn't have ADD i will be set


[;o)

What do you want? No, what do you REALLY want?? (insight into web development and SEO)

In my previous post I talked about a business seminar I attended earlier in the week. One of the key points that was communicated was knowing what your clients need vs. what they "want". A great illustration that was presented was this;

I go to the hardware store looking for a drill bit.... here are the possible scenerios

• A Normal Sales rep says "What are you looking for" I say "A Drill Bit" he says "well let me show you all shapes and sizes that we carry, and I will try to sell you a new drill at the same time, cause hey... everyone needs a new drill!"
• A GOOD sales rep's response to "I need a drill bit" would say "Ok, what size hole are you needing, what type of material are you going to be drilling through, and what kind of drill do you have" then after he found out what I NEED would show me the few options that applied to my situation.... then say "And sir, if your drill is an older model... we are having a sale and you can walk out of the store today with a brand new drill to go with the drill bit that you need!!"
  

You see in the first case (which is most business, the focus is on the sale and getting me to understand what you have and how I need what you have. Whereas the second instance was all about understanding MY needs as a customer....

You see, I didn't need a drill bit, I NEEDED a HOLE!! If there was an easier way to get the hole I needed without the drillbit I would have been able to find out from the second sales man... not the first.

***warning what follows is my personal insight and practical application reading this may not make you accountable to what I am learning.... but once you read it, you can't un-read it***

In My business ( Web Development and Media Design ) I see a lot of people who are sold a lot of what they DON'T need, and not given what they do need. For instance, I met with a client this week that really didn't need a entire graphicly designed site.... what they needed was one very simple page, minor graphics and a good amount of time spent doing SEO (search engine optimization) Had this gentalman gone to any number of my competitors he would have walked out with a huge bill for upwards of 2k for a site he didn't need that wouldn't accomplish a single thing for him.

This is what I'm learning --- I am not the best graphic designer out there, and you may not have the prettiest flashiest site out there (and if that is what you really need then I will gladly refer you to my competitors) BUT what you WILL have, is an effective site that reaches your target audience.... that looks good... that is accessible through the use of cross browser CSS .... and if you need, a SMOKIN Content Management System, or other database application custom tailored tyo fit your business, and your needs!

At the same time all of this comes with one of the most important human and client needs fulfilled.... a relationship with someone who understands (or wants to) what you really need in life and business (that would be me.... and in some cases my wife, but only if she likes you [;o) or if you give her candy bars (snickers)!! )

Better Business Blogging

WOO HOO!!!!!
That about sums up the last few weeks of my life!

In December, Tim Blevins and I had a discussion about the state of finances of the church and how to effectively move forward in an unsteady and unsure economy. This discussion lead to the ultimate decision and solution that I would go out on my own as a full time web developer/designer, as I have plenty of experience doing it, and already had some clients.

Now this decision, i felt, really was in the church's and in my best interest at the time (and still do), so effective Jan 1, 2009, I became the owner and primary developer/designer for Media 42. I will blog about the name and a bit more about my company later, but for now I wanted to start out detailing my walk through the transition of full time ministry (which I had had for @ 10 yrs) to owning a tech startup and everything I am learning along the way.

An interesting thing has happened over the last couple of weeks, between finishing up a few church projects and developing my own "corporate image" if you will--- which, by the way, MAJOR PROPS to David Southerland!!! (a close friend that designed my logo). I realized that for years and years, I had been looking at business principles and business models, and trying to apply them to the church/ministry setting where applicable. Now I have found myself doing the exact opposite, looking at my business model, and trying to apply the ministry principles to it.

I had the privileged to go to a free small business seminar this week, and really helped put some business principles into perspective. So My goal is to (if not a couple times a week) at least weekly blog about my experiences, and ideas as they pertain to my new career!

Hang On, it's going to be a fun ride!!!

3 Degrees from 3rd World

This morning, my "Facebook Status" read...
"Timothy Is going to meet a really cool guy for breakfast at a place where the average age of the patrons tops the national debt."

Well, That's just the beginning of the story!
I visit my local "Al-a-Carte" cafeteria about once a month to once every couple of months, and ONLY when I am meeting a good friend who happens to like the food selection (and prices). Well this morning, there I was, My friend (which I did not know at this moment) was at home sick with a stomach bug.... I was sitting outside waiting and watching...

You see, I really do like just watching people. Not only does it give me lots to blog about, but gives me a deeper insight into the human condition, if you will.

So I decide I am getting hungry and figured something came up... so I head on in.
What do my wandering hungry eyes feast upon first in line........

PRUNES!!!!!!!!!

Not just Prunes, as in plums that forgot to wear their sunscreen and keep cool in the pool, but STEWED PRUNES!!!!!!!

Why oh why would ANYONE want to stew something that truly should have been thrown away 10 years ago when the expiration date hit???

Ok, so getting through the line.... asked the short order cook.... "Do you have any breakfast specials"?

Her answer.... in completion... "Yeah... a couple"!
.... that's it.... no more.... so like a confused non octogenarian I asked....
"and they are??"
Following this question I received an answer.... not too sure what the exact words were but I got the gist.... it was....
"You should know... but since you don't it's basically the same breakfast special that we have had since our grand opening in 1612!"

Strike 2!!!

Make my way through the line, got my receipt, made it to the table.... sat down and began to eat. By this time I was doing pretty good. Having had a stomach bug a couple of day's ago, this is the first real meal that I have had in a while and believe it or not was actually looking forward to it!

All of a sudden... it hit me!
The wall, the offensive wall, like falling off from a roof into a pile of manure.... took my breath away.... but not like that song from top gun, but the opposite way.... I about lost by food (for the second time this week).
It was..... Dun Dun Daaaaahhhhhh!!!!! (dramatic music)
B.O.!

Horrific, painful, and quite unnerving.... a smell that unfortunately I had smelled before....
All of a sudden here I am in a restaurant having flashbacks of being stuck on a very very small elevator in Kiev, Ukraine with a couple of "Locals" one of whom hadn't ever shaved.... and believe me... she should have.....
Hit by the smell of B.O. covered with some funky, musky french perfume that you get for free on your hotel bed (like we get candy).

Then I realized
The epiphany of all epiphanies....

Deodorant, good food, and manners....
without it...
we are 3 degree's from being a 3rd world civilization


how weird is that!